Reverie: A reflection

(Music to accompany this post – “Clair de Lune”)

2015-2016 has been a really good year.

It’s been a year of growth and victory.

When I first walked in the doors of Central Administration and got to my cubicle – my tiny space in FISD – I was filled with fear: fear of uncertainty, fear of failure, fear of not measuring up to people’s standards. Even though I had done a 6-month music therapy internship at Lewisville ISD and felt prepared and capable of leading sessions, knowing that I still had a lot to learn about being a working professional was absolutely intimidating and terrifying.

During the fall semester, I felt lost, even with the support of my coordinator and my peers. I stumbled around the ins-and-outs of ARD meetings, tried getting the hang of communicating with teachers and staff well, and struggled with simply keeping my head above water with session plans and creating appropriate strategies for my students. There were many times when I reached out to my co-workers for help and ideas on strategies I could use in my classes, and in these moments, I felt weak. There were times when I thought, Esther, you can’t even come up with good strategies to use with your students. You can’t handle your schedule. You’re not a good music therapist. You’re not good enough. Despite having these thoughts, I knew that we – my co-workers and I – were here together, all as first-year professionals, in order to lift up and support one another. And I’m so grateful for their partnership, collaborative efforts, and encouragement this year.

Although there were some hardships during the fall, great memories were made with my students and teachers. Some that instantly come to mind are times when the students and I danced to “Monster Mash” during Halloween and when we took students caroling at some of the schools. These were moments of pure joy and spontaneity. There were instances when I would call students by the wrong name, and we would laugh as they corrected me. I can’t forget the sessions when my ALC students lit up with excitement during our sensory strategies, like playing with fake snow and seeing them make the connection between the objects they were feeling with what we were singing or talking about at that moment. And one of my students would sing solos throughout the year, all on his own, and I beamed with pride as he relished in his own accomplishments. Even in seasons of difficulty, beauty still bares itself to us.

Now, as the spring semester is over and the year is coming to a close, I stand amazed at how much I’ve grown. Now, I feel much more established and have a better sense of the rhythm of work. ARD meetings aren’t intimidating as much anymore, I feel like my teachers and I are friends and like-minded collaborators, my students and I have built a good foundation of positive rapport – within my classes and on individual levels, I’ve built relationships with other itinerant staff members, and I feel much more prepared for the coming year. Along with growth, I realize that there are areas that I need more growth in, so in the coming year, I look forward to developing new and appropriate strategies that my students will benefit from.

When I compare my confidence level from the fall semester to now, it has definitely grown. Instead of being fearful of the 2016-17 year, I am highly expectant to see how I grow, how my students grow, and how the Music Therapy department will grow. I anticipate collaborating more with district employees, as well as building up our department. There is still so much for me to learn when it comes to working in FISD! Even though I am confident in heading into the next year, I’m excited to become more experienced and knowledgeable about the world of Special Education, especially as a working music therapist.

To all the teachers and staff that I’ve had the pleasure of working and talking with this year, THANK YOU for making me feel welcomed and appreciated, and for encouraging me, befriending me, and being patient with me. Your words and your laughter throughout the year have been such gifts to my soul. You all put so much effort and heart into working with our students, and I’m so blessed and tremendously grateful for that. Thank you for being amazing, for encouraging me to be the best I can be for our students, and for your friendships.

As my first year in FISD ends, there is a hope rising in my heart for all the possibilities that we music therapists can achieve in the future. I can’t wait to see all the great things we’ll accomplish together next year.

So long, 2015-2016. Thanks for being good to me.

And to everyone else, have a great, restful, and adventurous summer!

In love + harmony, 

Ms. Esther